Tristan Briar's Journal
[Most Recent Entries]
[Calendar View]
[Friends]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Tristan Briar's LiveJournal:
[ << Previous 20 ]
| Sunday, February 7th, 2010 | | 4:37 am |
| | Friday, February 5th, 2010 | | 3:36 am |
LACTOSE. INTOLERANT.
Two questions I have been asked a lot lately: "Nick, why aren't you religious?" and "Nick, how can you live without dairy?! What about ICE CREAM?" Two seemingly unrelated questions... unless you're me. My answer: Ice cream just isn't for me. Don't get me wrong, I see tons of people enjoying their ice cream, talking about how great it tastes, and I'm sure it tastes great, but... maybe i'm just not into all the hormones humans like to inject into it. Or maybe i'm just lactose intolerant. Either way, I'll pass. Same goes for religion. I plan to expand this into an essay soon. (Because... i'm THAT lame awesome...) | | Saturday, January 9th, 2010 | | 3:00 am |
| | Monday, January 4th, 2010 | | 5:37 am |
| | Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 | | 7:20 am |
Like a thousand voices screaming out our subtext...
Reading, today, between the lines I pretend he draws, I came to realize something. He needs me to move on. I can feel it. Of course he would never even admit to their being any sort of awkwardness between us, even though that's all there is most of the time. It's sad. I don't know what I am to him. I mean, I would like to at least be able to say that I am his friend, but, the truth is i'm not. If I was a real friend, he could tell me anything. He wouldn't have to censor himself. He wouldn't have to not tell me about guys that he goes on dates with because he knows it would hurt my feelings. That's not a friendship. We were smoking and I told him he should try and shotgun it to me. A seemingly harmless and fun action between friends, right? That's what I was hoping to sell it as, even though the truth was that I just wanted to feel his lips on mine. I suppose it was actually pretty bold of me. His response? Silence. I kept repeating myself to make sure he'd heard me and he simply chose to ignore it and literally pretend that words were not coming out of my mouth. So we just sat there in Silence. But with me, Silence is never subtle. This silence echoed like a thousand voices screaming out our subtext.
This is my fault. It's my problem.
I know that If I try to make a spark happen I'm just going to end up getting burned.
You'd think I would have learned that lesson years ago, but, I just keep on repeating the same old mistakes, boy after boy.
Ha, and the ones who actually LIKE me? I ruin those WAY faster.
I would love to learn and grow into a bigger and better person. But, for some reason, I still find myself chasing what I know I can't have.
Maybe it's some sort of weird safety net I make.
Maybe i'm just used to being spoiled; to seeing what I want, and having it that the fact that I can't have these boys makes them that much more desirable.
Either way, it's a shame because I know I have a lot of love to give.
Current Mood:  lonely | | Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 | | 8:20 am |
| | Monday, September 21st, 2009 | | 12:13 am |
Big Ball of Anger
Mirrored from NICKCATOIRE.COM. Today I have called 5 different people numerous times since I woke up, and I haven’t gotten one answer, or call back. Now, this angers me so much, because it happens to me TOO often, and it just puts me in the worst mood. I feel like my life in a nutshell as of late, is just refreshing my Facebook news feed and Chat. I wait to see if one of my friends is online. ALL DAY. More often that not, they come online at 11 PM, and I have wasted the entire day. I would just call them, but, they NEVER answer. I feel invisible, and I am really hating my life right now. Not in a 15 year old high school way, but in an actual, I hate/am really annoyed with my current life situation way. Mostly because I don’t have a life. All of my friends have lives which is why, i assume, they are too busy to answer my calls, but, it’s just… so frustrating. I really don’t like being looked at as a sad or weak person,which is why im hesistant to post this entry at all. BUT, I’m not sad. I’m just lonely, bored and ANNOYED as fuck about it. Emily is the only constant in my life, and I can only see her on the weekends, if im lucky. So…. I really, desperately need to get a life. soon.
| | Saturday, September 19th, 2009 | | 1:55 am |
| | Friday, September 18th, 2009 | | 4:43 am |
| | Thursday, September 17th, 2009 | | 8:46 am |
As of Late
Mirrored from NICKCATOIRE.COM. Just so you know:
It’s still strange to me that you read everything I wrote about you, all those months and never told me.
Now that I know, I can’t talk about you anymore and that’s a good thing.
It forces me to write about the other thoughts and things that make up my life.
So. Here we go. New and improved NickCatoire.com entries starting now…
I’m still undecided on whether im moving out to LA right now, is the best idea.
Should I finish college? Yes. Should I do it at Texas State and live with Emily? Probably.
We shall see.
| | 6:34 am |
LJ + NickCatoire.com
Mirrored from NICKCATOIRE.COM. Alright. So now when I update my site, it automatically goes updates my LJ. Perfect.
Now.. I just have to figure out what to talk about… | | Wednesday, January 28th, 2009 | | 6:28 am |
So...I last updated 57 weeks ago.
So...I can't sleep (Big News to anyone who knows me i'm sure.) Anyways, since i can't sleep i decided to read over my livejournal entries. I guess i should start by saying. DANG... I was so emo at the beginning of college. And i guess i should end by saying that things are looking up right now and i'm in a good place. Here's hoping that everyone else is doing well also. Alright, thats all. Now the two people out there who still read LJ can go back to their lives. :) Current Mood:  calm | | Saturday, December 22nd, 2007 | | 8:06 am |
The time has come...
to change my username! So. Basically, IF you want to read my blogs and entries and things go here ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif) ncatoireand click on add this feed to friends list.
And thats is that.
If you are wondering why i'm changing, its because I'm starting up my website again. And, I'm going to post to it instead of lj.
BUT, if you friend that, then all of my posts will be on your friends page! So, you won't have to worry about not reading my bitchy rants. | | Tuesday, December 18th, 2007 | | 10:23 pm |
| | Saturday, December 15th, 2007 | | 4:14 am |
| | Wednesday, December 12th, 2007 | | 9:34 pm |
*sigh* Well, I'm back in Austin. *twiddles thumbs* I guess i'll go to sleep. | | Friday, December 7th, 2007 | | 12:07 am |
In 2nd grade we played a game of Heads Up/Seven Up...
In the first few rounds of the game, I wasn't tapped and because of that I felt hated and disliked. So, before the seven who were tapped guessed who did the tapping, I said, "Man, I'm never going to get tapped." to the girl next to me in a very, very pitying tone. In the next round, I was tapped. When it came to the part of the round where I had to guess who tapped me. I guessed the girl who was next to me. I was right. When, I got it right, I was so excited that i said, "Ha! I tricked you into tapping me! I knew you would! HAHA!" I've felt bad about that ever since I said it. I turned someone's kind deed into a mere trick. I wondered if maybe that girl would never do anything nice for another person because of what I had done to her. I still wonder that to this day.  | | Tuesday, December 4th, 2007 | | 1:17 am |
Today was a good day.
But i still can't wait for it to end. It's because I spend my life searching for the meaning in things. Television, Movies, Books, Plays, People, Friends, Enemies, Songs, Life. But, I'm beginning to think I'm finally on the brink of understanding the truth; There is none. Maybe things would be different If i had some sort of Jesus to put it all off on. But, I don't. Religion, Jesus, God. I've always believed they are false things that humans thought up to make themselves feel better about being so completely fucked. I still do. I dont know what to do... I dont know what to think.. I dont know if i even want to think anymore. I just feel done. I dont know.  Current Music: Sufjan | | Saturday, December 1st, 2007 | | 4:31 pm |
His father was a drinker And his mother cried in bed Folding John Wayne's T-shirts When the swingset hit his head The neighbors they adored him For his humor and his conversation Look underneath the house there Find the few living things Rotting fast in their sleep of the dead Twenty-seven people, even more They were boys with their cars, summer jobs Oh my God Are you one of them? He dressed up like a clown for them With his face paint white and red And on his best behavior In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all He'd kill ten thousand people With a sleight of his hand Running far, running fast to the dead He took off all their clothes for them He put a cloth on their lips Quiet hands, quiet kiss On the mouth And in my best behavior I am really just like him Look beneath the floorboards For the secrets I have hid  | | Tuesday, November 27th, 2007 | | 7:07 am |
Essay Question: Answer in complete sentences. If you could start over, rewind your life, do it all differently, what would you change, even if that change was hard and scary and might leave you more alone?  |
[ << Previous 20 ]
|
